You'd think I'd learn...

after screwing up so many times. But I don't. Does it mean that since I haven't really learned yet, after years of trying, that I'm doomed to repeat the same pattern of failure and live the rest of my life like this - that I'll continue to throw away in harsh and unforgivable ways the good things in my life? The masochistic pattern seems to be emerging that I don't consciously desire, but the similarities of past experiences are just screaming to be noticed - albeit only understood after the fact - like glaring neon warning signs on a deteriorating highway. But can I really blame a lack of foresight, or am I just too lazy and already ingrained in my ways to do the hard work it takes to change? At 25, I'd hope that i'm just being pessimistic. However, even now, the full reality of what I've just done hasn't even yet sunk in through my thick skull. It's more of a fear of that realization that I'm dealing with now, in my pathetic, fear-hobbled mind. So what other beer-soaked thoughts will I be spewing into the void once the reality's gotten all the way through? Yeah. Like anyone really cares.